as I lay at night,
I can feel your heart
beat faster and slower
with your hand in mine
I'll sweep you off
your feet and whisk you
away into my dreams
where fireworks will
light our eyes with every kiss
hold me in your arms
when we sleep to
feel my every move
and to sweep me off
my feet
along with the sun
we shall rise
but when the sun goes down
we shall stay risen
lifestrands
















Comments
this phrase is deliberately used twice... and i just find it odd even though the focus shifts from you to me
the last stanza is beautiful hehe love it
i still feel that your words are not as well utilised as possible. maybe you should try to make it a bit more abstract? becaues you write in an abstract fashion, yet all your words are very concrete.
just throwing around some ideas
overall, theres a word or 2 more than usual in every line lol, and it does have a wonderful last stanza hehe. keep it up
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