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as I lay at night,
I can feel your heart
beat faster and slower
with your hand in mine

I'll sweep you off
your feet and whisk you
away into my dreams
where fireworks will
light our eyes with every kiss

hold me in your arms
when we sleep to
feel my every move
and to sweep me off
my feet

along with the sun
we shall rise
but when the sun goes down
we shall stay risen







lifestrands
©2005-2009 ~blender13
:iconblender13:

Author's Comments

absolutely

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:iconsto67:
"sweep you off your feet"
this phrase is deliberately used twice... and i just find it odd even though the focus shifts from you to me

the last stanza is beautiful hehe love it :D

i still feel that your words are not as well utilised as possible. maybe you should try to make it a bit more abstract? becaues you write in an abstract fashion, yet all your words are very concrete.
just throwing around some ideas

overall, theres a word or 2 more than usual in every line lol, and it does have a wonderful last stanza hehe. keep it up :)

Details

January 28, 2005
646 bytes
14.3 KB
252×189

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SONY
DSC-F88
10/20 second
F/3.5
7 mm
100
Feb 28, 2005, 6:17:52 PM

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